Lately in tremendous stress.....yeah, not feeling happy, full of worries and then just feel so low. So many things happened at the same time might not be a good idea actually. I finally submitted my skill asessment today. Hopefully, everything will go well.....
Went through my appraisal yesterday. I dont really put a high expectation on my bonus this year. I think it is for the better, at least I dont feel dissapointed at the end. Dont get me wrong, the appraisal went well, I got good comments for my performance but based on my experience, good comments doesnt always equal to good bonus. Anyway, will wait and see...
Talk about my next role....today, during one of the session, my new boss told me that if i dont find a job come next September, he would not close my window. It sounds good isnt it? Just that after this statement he added, "If I shut your window, I dont know what am I going to do with you, afterall I would have a replacement for your position by then". It just broke my heart. I mean I knew about the whole game rule, but to hear it is somehow different. But I am alright. I already had myself ready that if I still could not secure my next role in shell for x period, I would resigned on my own account. Afterall, it is easy for me to secure a position out there.....hmmmm maybe during recession might not be a good idea. But yet again, what option do I have....
The stress I have over this and couple with the others.....somehow I feel so tired and weak. Like now in this case, I could not see a difference of me at a place where I am all alone and me here with friends and family. I mean right now, I got no one to talk to nor I got anyone I can talk to. Sometmes you tell your friend and you realised they are not really interested to know ...... it is better to have that problem to myself, afterall I am still the only one who going to face the whole ordeal. Being alone is something I should get adjusted to.....
When I look at the mirror today, I still smile even though the stress is still there, the problem of yesterday still lingers and the worries for tomorrow still hovering in my mind. Yet above all this, I would still smile because there will be no other better way to handle this than to smile.....
Then sun continue shine even though there are rains clouds settling in, it continue to shine even though people complain about the heat, it continue to shine even though the night is taking over its course. The sun never failed to shine because he believes he still has the power to bring a difference ....I want to be that sun, to continue to shine even though the whole around me seems to collapse or given up on me.......I want to continue to shine that light....
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